Let me dream...

You're close to me and then you disappear into other unknown worlds... An only desire brings us together and make us fall apart forever... Are you far from me or am I too far from you? How can I dare to kill a dream? How can I dare make death an alive eternity? Let me dream... Let me fall into an abyss so I could wake up and dye... I have forgiven you for an entire life of denial... Forgive me now for a great love... All I need is only a day-long freedom... Let me dream... Let me believe... Let me dye...

Lasa-ma sa visez...

Ba-mi esti aproape, ba ca in lumi de ceata te indepartezi. O singura dorinta tainica ne desparte si ne-aduce impreuna. Esti oare tu departe sau nu sunt eu cu tine? Cum as putea un vis sa-l leg de moarte? Cum as putea nefiinta s-o trec in nemurire? Lasa-ma sa visez... Sa pot cadea intr-un dulce abis si sa ma trezesc ca sa mor... Pentru o viata de negare te-am iertat... Iarta-ma tu pentru o iubire prea mare... Nu vreau decat o libertate de o zi... Lasa-ma sa visez... Lasa-ma sa cred... Lasa-ma sa mor...

Never Back Down! Everyone has their fight...

OMG, some 4 days without Internet made me go crazy... In the public transport, at home (while watching TV), everywhere I  did the same thinking-therapy I always do... But every time I got home, I had nowhere to write 'bout all this stuff. I thought that in the moment I'll have my Net back, I'd write for hours, but now I'm stuck... I have a million of ideas that go round in my head and make me go really crazy... :D

 There's only something I remember clearly(for now)... I saw a movie about :everyone having their fight in this life. I'm really into the fact that (at least) once in our life we have to change something and take some decisions that make somehow our life different. I made some of the decisions in my life (already) and I'm waiting forward to do the "action"part. Still, I started observing the actions of other people (since I have nothing to observe in my life, yet :D). I found a really curious thing. No, it's definitely not the fact that some people take the word "fight" in the direct meaning. This is the nice part of the story...

Many of us nowadays do not really understand the real deep meaning of the word "fight". I'm gonna be more specific, 'cause I know you're in a kind of dilemma right now. I observed that people thing THE FIGHT can be only once. They go for it, loose and them they claim that there is nothing more to do about it... Poor them. I hate this type of people. Maybe they're weak, but maybe they're stupid... I'm still working on that.

Answer to this in your mind: If you go to the super market to buy a tooth paste and you find out that you usual Blend-a-med is over, would you buy a Colgate instead? I bet you would. It's normal. This is called: finding a way to solve the situation! ( I just said that because many people still think it's a stupidity) You DO SOMETHING in every silly problem-situation of your life, but it comes to do it with the "big fight" you give up after the first lost. I'm shocked with  how people do the things nowadays.

Hey, when you loose a "fight" of your life, don't give up. Remember about the tooth paste and do something. The moment you loose a "fight" it means that this wasn't the real fight of your life. People don't get what they want in their life not because they're not ment to have it, but because they can't really fight for it... 

Struggle, run, get powers from the people around and decisions you take ...Don't stop... Never Back Down... Only like this you'll be able to really take the great "fight" of your life and win it...  You have no other way... It's either forward or backward...  No other options... 

Everything is relative...

Colors do not belong to things... they belong to our eyes... Color-blind people see green instead of red. If we all were color-blind, all the things would be  green... Eyes suffer so many times, of hallucinations... The ears do the same: " I think I heard somebody calling me"... Touching things also betrays us, our inner feeling too...The ones who had they're leg cut, keep saying sometimes that they're foot-fingers ache... Things have nothing: no shape, no color, no sound. By the way, haven't you never seen that while you sleep your feelings "lie" to you? You live your dream as you dream your life:  the sun burns you, the grass is wet, the ice is cold, you see what you don't even think about...You're even worried during your dreams and you touch yourself to make sure you're okay. And you understand it's the reality... Every real erudite found out that you can't trust your senses... Everything is relative... 

Love stuff =)

I got in a thinking-therapy today... I started finding in my head the reasons I'm single (after I got asked by a friend)  ... Ha-ha... After 2 minutes of looking at him, I understood that the funny smile and my silly getting-off question on to another won't help...I was supposed to give a logical answer...

I decided to give one answer to myself first, and then decide whether it's worth to "see" the world...

What's the difference between the real love and the illusion love I like to feel? Quite simple, my dears...

A real love makes you face routine and daily life in some end, while the illusion gives you the permanent "New" that you need so much(and that you make by yourself and in all the ways you want, even in the most unreal ones)... A real love becomes numbers and mere options (that you choose and get tired of) eventually, while an illusion is always there for you in the way YOU like... A real love chooses you and makes you get along with changes ( that you may not like), while an illusion, lets you do all the changes (which never let you down) and makes you choose the things you like (to dream about)... And finally, a real love can disappoint you anytime you don't even expect, while an illusion is only yours, only for you and could never hurt or make you feel bad...

I'm quite sure, a lot of you people, will say I'm wrong and that I'm (even) nuts (:D) , but eventually, we all have an impossible love...And it's not-becoming-a-reality will make us happier than any other simple-human love... 

I'm a dreamer... And my make my own perfect love... 

P.S. And if you wanna know, I'm quite happy now... Are you? :P

Prieteni...

Deseori te-ai intrebat ce e prietenia... Stiu sigur.. Vrei sa ghicesc si ce-ai facut dupa? Ti-ai amintit dintr-o data de 3 cele mai placute momente petrecute alaturi de cei dragi in ultima perioada, ai zambit gingas si ai mers mai departe...

Ai zambit acum si ai dat din cap afirmativ, nu? Si ti-ai dat seama ca, in fond, chiar nu ai ajuns niciodata pana la raspunsul final, nu? Eram sigura... Nu are cum fi altfel... Am facut si eu asa de atatea ori...

Azi am zis sa nu ma las... Si am reusit ...( Ca intotdeauna :P )

Nu puteam sa nu trec de faza cu amintirile si zambetul stupid gravat pe fata timp de fix 6 secunde si 34 de milisecunde... Apoi, mi-am zis, cu voce tare : Prietenul (si am scris cu majuscula cu absolut toata intentia) este acea imbratisare care te face sa uiti de toate (chiar daca e pe cateva clipe); acel zambet reciproc, dupa cateva minute de tacere; acea mana pe umar, care iti aminteste ca nu esti singur; acea privire catre soare, care te face sa stralucesti ca el; acel cuvant nespus, dar atat de important; acea privire, care vorbeste de la sine; 

Prietenul nu e doar cel ce este mereu langa tine, ci poate deveni unul doar pentru o clipa; Prietenul este familia, profesorul sau vecinul de la bloc; Prietenul este ceva dincolo de simturi, argumente, timp sau gandire... El, pur si simplu, exista... 

Va multumesc, Mamica, Taticu, Tatiana, Luminita, Irina, Maria, Anisoara, Victoria, Veronica, Katya, Tamara, Dorin, Doina,  Xenia, Alina, Radu! Va multumesc!

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. (Rachel McAdams)

Iarna...

Cerul pustiu nu vrea să-mi vorbească,

Soarele nu vrea să mă-ncălzească.

Simt că în jur totul încet dispare

Şi lentamente pierde din culoare.

Păsările-au încetat să mai zboare,

Albul inundă făr de scăpare.

Sufletul meu in durere şi ceaţă

Ca apa curata se stinge şi-ngheaţă.

Copacii goi sunt ca umbre străine,

Ce impart venin caselor vecine,

Iar focul ce ardea candva cu putere

E stins de frig, intuneric, durere.

O ultimă frunză cade moartă jos

A murit in chinuri! Si totusi, cat de frumos

E albul ce inundă terenuri

Ce te face să strigi, ce te face să tremuri...

                                                                 (Cristina Zaporojan)                                                                          

Mi-am imaginat de sute de ori momentul asta... Credeam ca lacrimile, durerea, argumentele si, mai ales, lupta pentru un vis vor fi inevitabile... Cearta, strigate, (iar) argumente si cuvinte (pe care le regreti dupa) nu puteau sa nu faca parte din asta: din dorinta de a-mi face viitorul asa, cum vreau eu... Eram sigura ca voi obtine asta, insa doar dupa lungi "sedinte" de durero-terapie... 

Azi am inteles ca nu vor exista... Ca va exista doar un vis, o dorinta si o permisiune de a merge inainte...Nici o cearta, nici o suferinta, nici un argument; ci doar un drum larg deschis...

In definitiv, clipa, in care parintii renunta la "fericirea" lor si dau frau liber "visului" copiilor, devine cea mai frumoasa declaratie de dragoste... cea mai minunata sansa la un nou inceput... dovada unei iubiri incomparabile... 

Va multumesc, mamica si taticu! Va iubesc!

De ce?

Nu te-ai intrebat cati ani are un vis sau o floare?
Ce gandeste vantul sau ce sufera marea?
De ce nu vezi fumul pe bolta albastra,
Caci fumu'-i pamant, iar bolta - cereasca?

De ce cauti urme in pamant umezit
Si nu in sufletul salbatic ranit?
De ce nu vezi stele in dimineata amara,
Caci ele nu mor cand e ziua afara?

De ce intelegi mii de scarboase cuvinte
Si nu o privire ce dulce te-alinta?
De ce mai uzi florile ce maine o sa moara,
Dar lasi viata-ti uscata in patimi sa piara?

De ce cauti vesnic adevarul infinit,
Ca sa lasi o minciuna sa te omoare tacit?
De ce mai visezi la milenii departe,
Daca picioarele-ti sunt de materie legate?

De ce poti vedea cum trece timpu'-n abis
Si nu sa-l opresti intr-o clipa de vis?
De ce vezi o lume intreaga cum doare
Si nu sufletu-ti cum isi pierde suflarea?

                                                                     (Cristina Zaporojan)

O noua zi...

        Nimic nou... M-am trezit ca intodeauna la 6 si 45 de minute, insa de data asta am decis sa mai stau intinsa cateva minute... Minute ce au devenit atat de rapid o jumate de ora... Timp pierdut... sau poate castigat...

       M-am ridicat din pat cu mintea incetosata, evident... Dar, ceva nu era in regula si asta parea sa ma deranjeze mai mult decat de obicei... Mi-am luat inima in dinti si am intrat in bucatarie... Nu era acolo... Am fugit parca pana in camera de baie, insa ... nu era nici acolo... De fapt, nici nu avea de unde fi... Poate pentru ca demult plecase... Poate, pentru ca niciodata n-a existat... Pacat... Atunci ce-am cautat atatea zile din viata mea? (Ce voi continua sa caut?)  

 ...

...

Am in mine doi oameni : unul bolnav si altul mandru. Mi-e mila de cel bolnav; ma duc... dupa cel mandru.

                                                                                             (Stefan cel Mare)

Welcome to... me!

Ma tot gandeam sa fac chestia asta de ceva timp, insa se pare ca visele, lenea si poate chiar insasi timpul (prea rapid trecator) au fost impotriva... Am facut-o insa pe-a mea! Ca intotdeauna... Si deci, welcome to me... :P